It has been a while since I have posted on the site. I have taken a break from designing Breaking the Seal. There are just a few other matters that needed some attention for a while (wife, kids, house, and the list goes on...). In my new role, and honestly new career path, I have been in this transitionary state of moving from De Pere, WI to Beaver Dam, WI. I now work in Madison, WI (GO BADGERS!). So 4 days a week I spend 2 hours in the car. This gives me a lot of time to think and explore.
I love games, and I want to keep them a big part of my life. I want to share what I learn with my kids, and I want to give them guidance in this messy world of video games (or any game design in general). I keep finding myself asking, "What is my role? Where are my strengths? " These questions drove me absolutely nuts for about a month. It honestly lead me into a somewhat depressed state. Thanks to wife, kids, and philosophy, I was able to pull myself out of it. I was thinking too much about those questions. What I was trying to get at was all wrong. And I will address each of them in turn.
What is my role?
The problem with this question: You can get too caught up on trying to find the path that you miss the journey. Other forms of this question may include:
What am I going to do for a career?
What kind of person/parent am I?
What can make me the big bucks?
Those questions got me almost no where. It gave me a headache thinking about them, and it made me bitter. I was bitter towards my alma mater, I was bitter towards myself. Most of these questions all pointed to, "How can I make a lot of money?" (except the parent question). It made me impatient, and, in a way, I felt entitled to more money. Money was making me very unhappy. I viewed money as this silverbullet that would solve most of my problems. My wife brought to my attention how crabby I was all of the time (a metaphorical bitch-slap! Thanks babe!).
I spent more time obsessing over everything, and not paying enough attention to what is really the most important thing in my life, my family. What good is money if my family doesn't want to be around me when I magically reach that money pile? What good is any of the work that idea if I alienate those around me? It will all mean nothing, and no amount of money could ever fill that void of time lost. My life would be full of regret and sadness. WHO THE HELL WOULD WANT THAT?
At this point, you may be asking, "Boris, what the hell does any of this have to do with video games?!?!" My response... A LOT!
For instance, take a look at my current title with Zero Hour Productions. My titile is "The ??". What the hell am I to this company? Right now, it's not that important for me to define myself. There are a few things that I have started to do. I design, code, and research as of right now, but I'm also doing some project management training. I may end up playing a big part in a few other areas as things start to develop. Since I wasn't in it from the beginning, it's very hard to define me when I'm so young in my role. Way will lead unto way, and interests, skills, and passions will grow as I move forward. Which brings me to my next question:
What are my strengths?
Other forms of this question:
What am I good at?
What can I use my talents for?
I look around at my surroundings every day. I look at the people that are working, I look at what they do, and I take an interest in what is that they do. A thought that I used to have, "Man, I can never do what that person can do. They are just smarter/better/more talented than I am." At this point, I'm going to call BULLSHIT on myself at that point. If there is anything that I have learned in the last 4-5 months, it's most people aren't just inherently good at something. It comes from them taking the time to learn, research, and most importantly do tasks. These things take time. The most important of those things for learning is the "doing".
Before I started making a game, I felt like I knew nothing, and that it would take me forever. I never finished it, but I got pretty far. There are still more design pieces to go over, and they will translate into bigger and better things. Life is full of iterative processes. Design is an iterative process. Programing is an iterative process. Learning is an iterative process. Everything builds on top of a previous thing, so everything needs a starting point.
Who cares what your strengths are. If there is something you want to do, build on it. Start doing it, and the more that you use it, the better (and stronger) you will get while doing it. Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Wayne Gretzky, and many more did not just naturally understand everything. They didn't just wake up one day and know everything about their expertise. They invested the time.
Your most important resource: TIME
I finally came to the realization that time is the most valuable resource that I have. Time with family, friends, and passions. The experiences from each of those areas make me feel whole and make me happy. Think back on everything that you've done with your life. What is most memorable? What types of things did you do?
All of mine are experiences with people. The best times that I had were spending time with family. Going on vacations growing up, playing video games with my brother and friends, Wintereenmas, going to Disney World with my wife, getting married, the first time I held my baby girl and baby boy. In a way, our stories are a sum of our experiences in our lives.
"BORIS!!! HOW THE HELL DOES THIS RELATE TO VIDEO GAMES REALLY?!?!?!"
Calm down, I'm getting to that. Think back on your favorite moments in gaming. What do you remember most? The most fun I've had playing video games is with games like Jamestown, Super Smash Bros, and other games with my wife and friends. We all experience things and generate these stories as collective. We can recollect and share the stories again and again, and it spreads happiness. Ultimately, I think that's what my goal is for making games. I want to give people the opportunity for an experience. I want them to make it their own. In building games, we build communities. We bring together people who might not normally find each other. We like to facilitate happiness in the world.
Don't let your current situation get you down. You can get through the adversity. Take stock in what you have because everyone takes their lives for granted in some way. Don't let your "role" and "strengths" define you, never lose curiosity or imagination. You have the incredible power to create Beauty. Have faith in yourself.
